"The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand..."
OK. I know I'm about to offend a lot of people in the world with what I want to say but I just have to get it off my chest.
If you're 'big boned' I'd look away now.
Fat people annoy me. A LOT! What's wrong with them? I've been a little bit chubby in my time, and I'm short so I think that it shows up more, and I'm sure I moaned about it too. But ultimately I knew that the more cakes, chocolates, beer, pasta, fried food, etc I consumed the more I would put on weight. So I stopped, and sure enough I lost the weight.
Now, why is it then that it's fat people that you see stuffing their faces with chocolate; trying to do it all subtly, like if no one sees them, then they're not doing it? I sat next to this fat woman on the tube last night and she had a tube of Mini Eggs. She squashed her podgy sausage fingers inside the tube and seeked out one egg at a time and slyly shoved it in her puffy face. She'd try desperately to not eat it straight away; making this hidious sucking noise but the whole carriage (including the guy who smelt like he'd poo-ed himself) knew what she was up to. And I guarantee the only thing we were all thinking was:
"Why don't you just put them all in your gob and enjoy the chocolate like you want to. We all know you just want to inhale them, so don't pretend to us and yourself that you're not eating something you shouldn't. EAT THEM!!! Or better still; have a fucking apple. And it's not your fucking thyroid gland that's making you fat - it's the Mini Eggs and no....you're not big-boned, you're fat. If you don't want to be then lose some weight, if you're happy then fine, wicked , it's important to feel good about yourself, but if you're not and you hate being fat - then don't eat the frigging Mini Eggs."
Last night I ate the most sublime dinner that my best friend/flatmate Jenny cooked for me. Well it was actually Me, Evan, Jenny and her boyfriend Owen. A bit couple-y for my liking but hey, it was purely geographical. We had Pork in a creamy sauce with swede, potato, and green beans. Then we had rice pudding with honey. It ruled. Just before that I'd eaten a Toffee Crisp.
Hmmmm
If you're 'big boned' I'd look away now.
Fat people annoy me. A LOT! What's wrong with them? I've been a little bit chubby in my time, and I'm short so I think that it shows up more, and I'm sure I moaned about it too. But ultimately I knew that the more cakes, chocolates, beer, pasta, fried food, etc I consumed the more I would put on weight. So I stopped, and sure enough I lost the weight.
Now, why is it then that it's fat people that you see stuffing their faces with chocolate; trying to do it all subtly, like if no one sees them, then they're not doing it? I sat next to this fat woman on the tube last night and she had a tube of Mini Eggs. She squashed her podgy sausage fingers inside the tube and seeked out one egg at a time and slyly shoved it in her puffy face. She'd try desperately to not eat it straight away; making this hidious sucking noise but the whole carriage (including the guy who smelt like he'd poo-ed himself) knew what she was up to. And I guarantee the only thing we were all thinking was:
"Why don't you just put them all in your gob and enjoy the chocolate like you want to. We all know you just want to inhale them, so don't pretend to us and yourself that you're not eating something you shouldn't. EAT THEM!!! Or better still; have a fucking apple. And it's not your fucking thyroid gland that's making you fat - it's the Mini Eggs and no....you're not big-boned, you're fat. If you don't want to be then lose some weight, if you're happy then fine, wicked , it's important to feel good about yourself, but if you're not and you hate being fat - then don't eat the frigging Mini Eggs."
Last night I ate the most sublime dinner that my best friend/flatmate Jenny cooked for me. Well it was actually Me, Evan, Jenny and her boyfriend Owen. A bit couple-y for my liking but hey, it was purely geographical. We had Pork in a creamy sauce with swede, potato, and green beans. Then we had rice pudding with honey. It ruled. Just before that I'd eaten a Toffee Crisp.
Hmmmm
posted by Fang at 3:14 AM
4 Comments:
You're going to hell. A fat hell full of cake eaters. Either that or you are going to get a thyroid problem and balloon to the size of a shetland pony.
I too feel the need to wrestle food from fat people, but not nearly as much as I want to force food on vegetarians. They're just silly. And vegans are just nutjobs. Twig eating freaks.
Fantastic!!
Oh, on cable last night was the funniest thing.
"The 28 stone teenager"
Did you make it, it should have had your narrative on it.
Hello, by the way!
Hello Mr Deviant.
I'm glad I didn't see that as it probably would have sent me over the edge.
"Its not my fault..." blah blah blah
Wankers
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