"C’mon fuckers…"

I was propelled into work today by the fierce screamings of nine grown men in boiler suits and masks. Across the earphones of my new iPod Nano Slipknot banged out live versions of 'Spit It Out', 'Heretic Anthem' and 'People= Shit' to name but a few…I was so into it that I could feel my arm raising to punch the air and kept wanting to lurch forward at passers-by and bash into them but common decency prevailed and instead I just walked in time mouthing the screams and nodding my head. Brilliant. Totally took my mind off the fact that normally whilst walking down the street to work I'd be smoking a cigarette, getting ash in my eye and freezing my fingertips off. But, as I smoked my last cigarette last night I missed that particularly enjoyable experience and so filled the void with metal. Well, what would you use?
That's the only mention of me quitting that I'm going to make. I promised Evan I wouldn't pratt on about it in a smug non-smoker way, and I don't want to be one those really annoying cunts so, yeah – I've quit, again. Hurrah!

Since I last blogged:
I've got annoyed at an incredibly fat and rude woman who scowled at those of us sitting down on a tube. A generous kind man finally caved under the glares and gave up his seat for her, only for her to ungratefully accept the offer, cram herself into the chair and scoff a massive chocolate bar! Thank God I was getting off at the next stop 'cos I wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself for much longer – and certainly wouldn’t have helped when she undoubtedly got stuck in the aforementioned seat.
I've attempted the culinary skills of Tempura Prawns – only to fail. I followed the recipe and everything but essentially I ended up eating deep fried egg, water, flour mix and a few prawns…not quite the Japanese delicacy I had in mind.
Succeeded at an aubergine dish that involves aubergine, crème freche, and basil and an oven – even my Mum could have done this without failure…
OH AND bought Morrissey tickets!!!!!!!! LORD OH CHRIST – COULD I BE ANY HAPPIER.
'MAZING!

"There are explosive kegs between my legs..."

EXTENSIVE MORRISSEY UK TOUR = VERY HAPPY CHRONICD

Oh yes oh yes...can you Adam and Eve it? A three-date Sunday residency at the London Paladium where Shitty Shitty Fuck Fuck is currently running as well as 37 other dates around the country including 4 in Manchester and one in Reading. RRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

As you can see I'm very excited.




















Anyway - more of that over the next 8 months or so...

Evan wants a rabbit. We have the smallest flat ever with the smallest balcony ever and Evan wants a rabbit. They're cute and everything but they can be aggressive little shits that live for ages and take quite a lot of looking after. You have to empty and clean the piss/shit-stained hutch out every week - and deal with straw.
I can see the appeal of a small bunny falling over its ears being all cute and watching Evan imitate it by hopping about the flat with socks on his head for ears and twitching his nose but I think that, all in all it'd be too much hassle. Plus - house bunnies leave little nuggets of house poos everywhere. No. Life's too short to have to deal with Bugs pooing in my Converse/couch/kitchen counter.....what if I mistake it for a raisen!!??!!

*this blog was brought to you by Uber Bear and Captain Bleet*

"Loved and lost some people say when usually its nothing surly you're happy it should be this way? I said "No" and then I shot myself..."

I could not be happier today. I'm all giddy!
There are many, varying factors for this overwhelming positivity:
1) Its Evan's birthday. Birthday's are always fun, especially when that person is older than you. Fun and frivolities will undoubtedly ensue once work is over.
2) Work is, at last, fun again. No longer am I dreading coming in and hating every minute I'm here. I've come back after Christmas with a bit of a fire in my belly and a lot to look forward to. One of which is a possible trip to Austin, Texas to SXSW (South By South West industry music festival) in March. The band The Answer are playing there and if I can convince Kerrang! or someone like that to do a feature of them over there...then I'm there! Rock the fuck on Daddy-O! Also, the annoying girl who I work with is leaving at the end of the month - get in. This will make the office a much more fun, more relaxed place to be.
3) The Answer's record company Albert Productions (Aussie label and publishing company responsible for bringing AC/DC to the world) have given me, GIVEN ME, an iPod Nano!!!!! Now, I really can't explain just how happy I am about this, I lost mine about 8 months ago after a stupid drunk night seeing Nine Inch Nails at the Astoria. Distraught is not a strong enough word. Since then I've sorely missed the hours whiled away in front of my laptop, uploading all my albums, and creating playlists etc. I would sit there for ages as happy as Larry. And now I can do it all again. I put a few tracks on the pod last night and since I left the house this morning I haven't stopped listening to it. AMAZING. Tears are welling up I'm so happy.
4) Er....Oh you know all the normal crap, like nice friends etc and all that bollocks.

...

Fucking - way to pop a bubble! The aforementioned annoying girl from work has just asked me to turn the volume down on my iPod!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? The radio's on? And she site 3 desks away from me. FUCK OFF you stupid, stuck up, arrogant, prissy, whining, spoilt, no taste in music BEEEAAAATTCCHHH!!!!!!

GOD DAMN!

She used to do a fanzine on......Ash! Of all fucking bands! I mean some good songs yeah alright but they're hardly knock your head off brilliant are they?

GRRRRRRRRR
...

"For Everything A Reason..."

So it was Team Danevan's first birthday last week (5th January). Awwwwwwwwwww! Yes – a year and four days ago I succumbed to the amounting pressure; I dropped my resolute guard, buckled and finally caved in. A little kissy kissy on the street corner and a year later here I am. Bloody living with him!
That fateful night involved a massive amount of drinking as you can imagine. The tipple of choice being B52s – a shooter cocktail featuring a layer of Kahlua, a layer of Baileys and another of Cointreau. Hmmmmmmm yummy. So in true anniversary style I went on a hunt of all the near-by off licences to our home in search of the three ingredients to recreate the mood. 5 shops later I finally purchased them all and skipped back with a cheeky grin on my face. I lost count how many we did after 5….AND in four days we're out of kahlua AND Baileys and half way through the Cointreau.

Soooo…..I did something stupid the other day. I've been packaging up sets of the 4 vinyls we're releasing throughout January and sending them off to journalists and industry wankers alike. I did about 50 yesterday. There was one person - Tank who manages Hundred Reasons – who’s address I was not sure of so I carefully packaged it all up and wrote 'Tank' on the postage sticker with no address at all and left it to one side. Well thought I left it to one side in actual fact I stupidly put it in the post bag and off its gone into the Great British postal system. What a frikking numpty! It kinda reminds me of the time where on Christmas Eve (2004) I happily laid out all the presents I had bought for everyone on the coffee table in front of a movie I love with a bottle of wine and a doobie and set about lovingly wrapping up the gifts. As happy as Larry I was until I found out that in my quest to buy silver wrapping paper a few hours previously, I had in fact bought fucking translucent wrap instead. It was like fucking Clingfilm!!!!!!!! Strategically placed bows, ribbons and parcel wrap became my life saver…what a dick.

Oh…..post just came in and Tank’s has been returned. I have to admit to being a little disappointed. Would have been soooo cool if it had got there.
DAMMIT.

I'm almost at the stage of quitting smoking, AGAIN (I gave up for 18 months and then fell apart about 9 months ago). I'm fully aware how utterly ridiculous that sounds but I'm reading a book that helps you quit and you're s'pose to smoke whilst reading it and then you quit at the end - I'm on chapter 20 just over half way. I must admit to something, I do really wanna stop smoking because, as this book has made me realise again, its utter bollocks but last time I read the book I really felt like I didn't want to smoke anymore and couldn't wait to finish the book. I haven't quite had that this time round which is worrying me. I think my main fear is that when I finish I'm going to find it hard and difficult and miserable but as the book puts it in an annoyingly repetitive but hugely successful way - its none of those things, its actually enjoyable to not have to think about smoking anymore and you do feel immediately better about yourself - so I'm just gonna shuddup, finish the book and get on with it. Maybe by the end of the week - I would have stopped altogether. Hurrah.