"C’mon fuckers…"

I was propelled into work today by the fierce screamings of nine grown men in boiler suits and masks. Across the earphones of my new iPod Nano Slipknot banged out live versions of 'Spit It Out', 'Heretic Anthem' and 'People= Shit' to name but a few…I was so into it that I could feel my arm raising to punch the air and kept wanting to lurch forward at passers-by and bash into them but common decency prevailed and instead I just walked in time mouthing the screams and nodding my head. Brilliant. Totally took my mind off the fact that normally whilst walking down the street to work I'd be smoking a cigarette, getting ash in my eye and freezing my fingertips off. But, as I smoked my last cigarette last night I missed that particularly enjoyable experience and so filled the void with metal. Well, what would you use?
That's the only mention of me quitting that I'm going to make. I promised Evan I wouldn't pratt on about it in a smug non-smoker way, and I don't want to be one those really annoying cunts so, yeah – I've quit, again. Hurrah!

Since I last blogged:
I've got annoyed at an incredibly fat and rude woman who scowled at those of us sitting down on a tube. A generous kind man finally caved under the glares and gave up his seat for her, only for her to ungratefully accept the offer, cram herself into the chair and scoff a massive chocolate bar! Thank God I was getting off at the next stop 'cos I wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself for much longer – and certainly wouldn’t have helped when she undoubtedly got stuck in the aforementioned seat.
I've attempted the culinary skills of Tempura Prawns – only to fail. I followed the recipe and everything but essentially I ended up eating deep fried egg, water, flour mix and a few prawns…not quite the Japanese delicacy I had in mind.
Succeeded at an aubergine dish that involves aubergine, crème freche, and basil and an oven – even my Mum could have done this without failure…
OH AND bought Morrissey tickets!!!!!!!! LORD OH CHRIST – COULD I BE ANY HAPPIER.
'MAZING!

"There are explosive kegs between my legs..."

EXTENSIVE MORRISSEY UK TOUR = VERY HAPPY CHRONICD

Oh yes oh yes...can you Adam and Eve it? A three-date Sunday residency at the London Paladium where Shitty Shitty Fuck Fuck is currently running as well as 37 other dates around the country including 4 in Manchester and one in Reading. RRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

As you can see I'm very excited.




















Anyway - more of that over the next 8 months or so...

Evan wants a rabbit. We have the smallest flat ever with the smallest balcony ever and Evan wants a rabbit. They're cute and everything but they can be aggressive little shits that live for ages and take quite a lot of looking after. You have to empty and clean the piss/shit-stained hutch out every week - and deal with straw.
I can see the appeal of a small bunny falling over its ears being all cute and watching Evan imitate it by hopping about the flat with socks on his head for ears and twitching his nose but I think that, all in all it'd be too much hassle. Plus - house bunnies leave little nuggets of house poos everywhere. No. Life's too short to have to deal with Bugs pooing in my Converse/couch/kitchen counter.....what if I mistake it for a raisen!!??!!

*this blog was brought to you by Uber Bear and Captain Bleet*

"Loved and lost some people say when usually its nothing surly you're happy it should be this way? I said "No" and then I shot myself..."

I could not be happier today. I'm all giddy!
There are many, varying factors for this overwhelming positivity:
1) Its Evan's birthday. Birthday's are always fun, especially when that person is older than you. Fun and frivolities will undoubtedly ensue once work is over.
2) Work is, at last, fun again. No longer am I dreading coming in and hating every minute I'm here. I've come back after Christmas with a bit of a fire in my belly and a lot to look forward to. One of which is a possible trip to Austin, Texas to SXSW (South By South West industry music festival) in March. The band The Answer are playing there and if I can convince Kerrang! or someone like that to do a feature of them over there...then I'm there! Rock the fuck on Daddy-O! Also, the annoying girl who I work with is leaving at the end of the month - get in. This will make the office a much more fun, more relaxed place to be.
3) The Answer's record company Albert Productions (Aussie label and publishing company responsible for bringing AC/DC to the world) have given me, GIVEN ME, an iPod Nano!!!!! Now, I really can't explain just how happy I am about this, I lost mine about 8 months ago after a stupid drunk night seeing Nine Inch Nails at the Astoria. Distraught is not a strong enough word. Since then I've sorely missed the hours whiled away in front of my laptop, uploading all my albums, and creating playlists etc. I would sit there for ages as happy as Larry. And now I can do it all again. I put a few tracks on the pod last night and since I left the house this morning I haven't stopped listening to it. AMAZING. Tears are welling up I'm so happy.
4) Er....Oh you know all the normal crap, like nice friends etc and all that bollocks.

...

Fucking - way to pop a bubble! The aforementioned annoying girl from work has just asked me to turn the volume down on my iPod!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? The radio's on? And she site 3 desks away from me. FUCK OFF you stupid, stuck up, arrogant, prissy, whining, spoilt, no taste in music BEEEAAAATTCCHHH!!!!!!

GOD DAMN!

She used to do a fanzine on......Ash! Of all fucking bands! I mean some good songs yeah alright but they're hardly knock your head off brilliant are they?

GRRRRRRRRR
...

"For Everything A Reason..."

So it was Team Danevan's first birthday last week (5th January). Awwwwwwwwwww! Yes – a year and four days ago I succumbed to the amounting pressure; I dropped my resolute guard, buckled and finally caved in. A little kissy kissy on the street corner and a year later here I am. Bloody living with him!
That fateful night involved a massive amount of drinking as you can imagine. The tipple of choice being B52s – a shooter cocktail featuring a layer of Kahlua, a layer of Baileys and another of Cointreau. Hmmmmmmm yummy. So in true anniversary style I went on a hunt of all the near-by off licences to our home in search of the three ingredients to recreate the mood. 5 shops later I finally purchased them all and skipped back with a cheeky grin on my face. I lost count how many we did after 5….AND in four days we're out of kahlua AND Baileys and half way through the Cointreau.

Soooo…..I did something stupid the other day. I've been packaging up sets of the 4 vinyls we're releasing throughout January and sending them off to journalists and industry wankers alike. I did about 50 yesterday. There was one person - Tank who manages Hundred Reasons – who’s address I was not sure of so I carefully packaged it all up and wrote 'Tank' on the postage sticker with no address at all and left it to one side. Well thought I left it to one side in actual fact I stupidly put it in the post bag and off its gone into the Great British postal system. What a frikking numpty! It kinda reminds me of the time where on Christmas Eve (2004) I happily laid out all the presents I had bought for everyone on the coffee table in front of a movie I love with a bottle of wine and a doobie and set about lovingly wrapping up the gifts. As happy as Larry I was until I found out that in my quest to buy silver wrapping paper a few hours previously, I had in fact bought fucking translucent wrap instead. It was like fucking Clingfilm!!!!!!!! Strategically placed bows, ribbons and parcel wrap became my life saver…what a dick.

Oh…..post just came in and Tank’s has been returned. I have to admit to being a little disappointed. Would have been soooo cool if it had got there.
DAMMIT.

I'm almost at the stage of quitting smoking, AGAIN (I gave up for 18 months and then fell apart about 9 months ago). I'm fully aware how utterly ridiculous that sounds but I'm reading a book that helps you quit and you're s'pose to smoke whilst reading it and then you quit at the end - I'm on chapter 20 just over half way. I must admit to something, I do really wanna stop smoking because, as this book has made me realise again, its utter bollocks but last time I read the book I really felt like I didn't want to smoke anymore and couldn't wait to finish the book. I haven't quite had that this time round which is worrying me. I think my main fear is that when I finish I'm going to find it hard and difficult and miserable but as the book puts it in an annoyingly repetitive but hugely successful way - its none of those things, its actually enjoyable to not have to think about smoking anymore and you do feel immediately better about yourself - so I'm just gonna shuddup, finish the book and get on with it. Maybe by the end of the week - I would have stopped altogether. Hurrah.

"Your knuckles whiten on the wheel, the last thing that your hands will feel..."

I feel fucking gash.

Every year around this time I suffer from weird-ass nonsense ailments that are as ridiculous as they are painful. Last year I had a horrible day at the ear, nose and throat specialist who stuck a telescope up my nose and down the back of my throat and told me I need to go to a speech therapist and then when I went to the GP in the afternoon he told me I had Chronic Sinusitus and put me on a course of antibiotics.
This year, the Gods of Health have graced me with an on-going cold that has the specific infection point of upper nose causing it to be both runny and blocked all at the same time, with the added hilarity of my head feeling all stuffy which in turn makes, I believe, me to have puffy eyes in the morning which is totally unattractive. AND to top it all off, my bottom right wisdom tooth is infected, and I'm currently eating Bonjela as if it is chocolate.

All in all I feel like I'm falling apart.

What is it about this time of year and illness? Is it the cold weather that beats down your immune system? Maybe our bodies are fighting the cold so much that it hasn't the strength to beat off sickness at the same time. Who knows. All I know is that around late November for about 3 weeks I feel like my body has sensed the end is nigh and starts to relax and slow down. With this sloth attitude, germs and infections that my body otherwise happily bats away are welcomed in with open arms.

Bastard body.

In other news - I went to see Ian Brown at the weekend and finally fulfilled one of the many things I've always wanted to do since I got into music. Well kinda. I recreated, in my mind, a late '80s Warehouse 1 party in Manchester. Yes, yes I know I was in London, and yes it was just Ian Brown and not The Stone Roses, and yes it was 15 years later, but I always wanted to have been in Manchester in the late 80s during the rave, baggy, pill-popping era, and this was as close as I was going to get to that so when he blasted out I Wanna Be Adored followed by Made Of Stone and I was suddenly exceptionally off my face - a niggling part of me was finally satisfied.

Tremendous.

"But if it wasn't for your misfortunes, I'd be a heavenly person today..."

I'm actually feeling worse - how is that possible? Chances are I was still drunk when I woke up maybe.

Things I'd forgotten about last night:
1) downloading and then dancing to, Sounds Of The Underground by Girls Aloud at 2am
2) Love Will Tear Us Apart
3) Talking to Bernard about Daniella Westbrooke
4) Peeing in an alleyway
5) peeing on my oyster card that had fallen out of my pocket in said alleyway
6) asking what our taxi driver did when he needed the loo
7) a lovely view driving over Blackfriars Bridge
8) Evan talking high hats to Steve New Order

I need bed

"We're like Crystal, (wooooo), its not easy (yeaaaah)..."

So.....I feel like shit! It is somewhat of an amazement that I'm even awake and even more staggering that I can talk/stand/operate as a normal human being. Although it is debateable as to whether I'm currently succeeding in any of these.

Last night we had New Order playing at Brixton Academy. The only other time I had seen them was at Glastonbury - which was brilliant except they forgot to play Blue Monday (durr) so I was rather excited about last night and seeing them at their own gig - having a bop. And they were ace. I was wasted which was also ace and as was Evan. doubly ace.

I'm really struggling to write this blog - I keep drifting off into space and sneezing...

I first met Bernard Sumner last year at the Q awards - it's a long story that involves things I can't discuss on here but suffice to say - I had a "I can't believe I'm here" moment as Sumner talked about Ian Curtis and stuff. I had the same feeling again last night as we 'hung out' in their dressing room post-gig. I got a litte bit too excited with the free drink too. I'm glad I can still feel a bit in awe of it all - it means I'm not totally jaded just yet.

God I'm boring myself with this blog. I have no creativity at all today...I'm going to play solitaire and finish of my sweaty cold pizza from yesterday's lunch.

Hmmmmmm

Eurgh....just did a sick burp...

"scoobie doobie sca sca scoobie doobie dah..."

Smoking doobies in the morning is, I would say, a tricky, yet amusing habit. One that allows one to sort of waft into the day on hazy cloud, somewhat oblivious to the normal everyday stresses of commuting and pre-midday headaches. But couple this with the unsual, and annoying morning infliction of puffy-eye syndrome (PES) that I seem to suffer from on a daily basis and its good bye good lookin' and hello weird mongrel girl! I look like I've been hibernating for four years.
The first words my boss said to me were: "have you got a hangover?"
Charming...

I went to Lille last weekend. Jenny was there on work and so had a (really nice and swanky) hotel sorted etc so invited me along. She would be finished at 4pm on the Saturday which would give us the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday to 'do' Lille together. I arrived at 12pm so had a few hours to kill on my own before meeting up with Jen. With this time I ate moules frites and drank Hoegaarden in the main square, with the sun beating down on me, reading my book. Delightful. I had already mosied around a street market and took advantage of the 'wine tasting' stall so, I was feeling a bit tiddley and whilst walking passed a hairdressers (coiffere) I decided in haste to drop in and get that bob I've been banging on about for a while. So I did, and off came my hair. Its now just below chin level and in a messy bob. It looks kinda cool.
Anyway, once me and Jen hooked up, it was off into night to drink and eat lavishly. We succeeded in our mission with gusto and a previous discussion of utilising the city's nightlife was put on hold, and we were in bed by 12.30am. How poor is that? Still a good night sleep was well needed as all of Sunday we spent wondering aimlessly around the city, picking up bits and pieces and presents along the way. We stumbled across 'l'citedell' which is the old city, surrounded by city walls built in a five pointed star (satan anyone?) and a beautiful canal water-way, which makes it an island or L'ile in French. L'ile became Lille over time...
Blah blah blah, we walked around that for a while and went to a zoo with red pandas, fat owls and snow leopards, and then got our train home. I had bought a first class ticket (only £5 more than standard for this particular train) and spent the two hours travelling, eating airplane food and drinking champagne! Wicked!

Was an exceedling lovely way to spend the weekend. I love France. Yes it's full of french people, yes it sometimes smells of sewages, and they don't treat animals very well, but they have incredible food, exceptional wine, a really chilled out attitude towards life, and a stunning country. I could happily live there and I actually harbour desires to do so...
From now on...I should be referred to as Le Dani.

I brought a Richard Cheese cd that Evan made me in to work, believing it would satisfy all music tastes within the office. I was right. We're now trying to think of a way that we could perhaps get him over to play some dates in the UK. Richard Cheese on Xtra Mile???? Hahahahaahahahahaa